Stay on target! We’re only a matter of days away from Star Wars: The Force Awakens – and we’re still desperately seeking out ways to kill time until the Lucasfilm logo dissolves and the first crawl of a new generation begins.
Time is a funny thing, and as each second stretches out longer and longer you’d be forgiven for allowing your mind to drift into non-Star Wars things like life, food etc. But we’re here to put a stop to that nonsense, and to help get you in the mood for the next era of one of the most beloved franchises we’ve compiled a list of Star Wars activities to help while away the minutes.
Play Star Wars Battlefront and get into the imperial mindset
With the Jakku map now launched, Star Wars Battlefront represents a very real way in which you can run around shooting the irritating rebels and quell any uprising as you get it through your nerf herder’s brain that the film is nearly here.
As we said in out Star Wars Battlefront review, we completely get that this is a game that is much more about the look and feel of Star Wars than about the intricacies of a modern day shooter, but park those annoyances aside for a bit, stick on your Star Wars Emperor dressing gown and zap some of those pesky Rebels.
See how many steps you can get your BB-8 down before its head falls off
BB-8 got a hell of a reception when it rolled its way into the world at Star Wars’ Anaheim conference, and then it managed it all over again when it made the jump to the top of just about every Star Wars fan’s Christmas wish list.
We’ve had a BB-8 in the office for a fair time now and, although it was pretty much the most awesome thing in the room when we got it, it’s not quite as exciting as it once was.
The dear old Sphero-made droid is pretty good at coping with most things, but steps are as bad for it as a Dalek. So we’re going to try and navigate it down the office staircase and see if we can keep it fully capitated. But, to be entirely clear, we don’t suggest that you do this at home as you may damage your very expensive toy and/or create the mother of all trip hazards.
Buy a toy lightsaber and perfect your swzzz noise
We can explain what we mean here but we’re tzzzz swzzzz too tsssh, bzzzz tsssh busy recreating Luke’s amazing/retrospectively under-powered dual with his own father in The Empire Strikes Back.
And as everyone who ever painstakingly researched every little detail of Star Wars knows, the Ben Burtt-created sound was generated by the interlock motor of a film projector and a broken microphone cable that picked up the buzz from a TV CRT. Fact.
Put on every single Star Wars item of clothing that you already own.
Yep – we definitely have the set of Star Wars socks and more Star Wars T-shirts than any grown adult should be allowed, but that doesn’t stop us from seeing if it’s possible to wear all of the clothing *at the same time*.
This is a tough one – not least because some of those shirts only really fitted us properly a long time ago (in a Galaxy far, far away)
Obsessively comb eBay for that Boba Fett action figure that you got for Christmas in the 80s
You’re not going to get a boxed version unless you’re on some kind of sports star’s salary, but that doesn’t mean your overwhelming nostalgia should be denied.
You can hunt down that amazing Boba Fett plastic action figure and hope that the constant checking of the price will allow you to forget that Boba fett’s dad/clone was actually the base for all of the clones in the Clone Wars. Because Prequels.
Get out your dusty old lego and try to build a replica of the Mos Eisley cantina
It may be a wretched hive of scum and villainy, but Mos Eisley does at least have a lovely cantina where everybody knows your… NO BLASTERS, NO BLASTERS!
Buying Star Wars Lego can be an expensive habit, but if you can construct your own Cantina then you have not only successfully killed a fair amount of time but also saved yourself a pretty penny.
Write some lyrics for John Williams’ theme tune and sing them at your co-workers
Star Wars, we all love Star Wars! We all love Star Wars! But not Jar Jar Binks. (repeat) .
He’s the worst, the doo doo stepping worst thing we’ve ever seen, as you crushed our dreams of prequel Star Wars. Then you went, and made Darth Vader into a pesky kid and you even made our favourite robot fly!
Over to you, lyrical masters…
Watch all of the theatrical trailers for all the films and score them out of 10
Yeah, so we went back and checked out what we thought were sure to be the most thrilling trailers ever assembled, and then we remembered that trailers were clearly not all that important to anybody back in the 80s.
Aside from the most recent Force Awakens trailer, your likely winner will be Attack of the Clones. Here’s our take (complete with YouTube links), so while away a few minutes grading the past.
Read the officially official books in the new canon universe
The decision to throw out a load of the stuff around the outside and focus on the core is a time-honoured tradition in many of our favourite fictional Universes. So what constitutes canon and what has been fired out of a cannon?
Star Wars has a raft of new books that are officially official and help to fill in some of the gaps between films (including the big one between the end of ROTJ and TFA).
Some of them are a bit, well, shoddy and unfortunately none of them are brave enough to pretend the prequels actually happened in a completely different Galaxy much much further away. Oh well…
Watch the six films in the Machete order
We’ve been doing it wrong essentially since the 80s. Of *course* we should have left the big reveal that Vader is Luke’s dad and gone away to understand how this is the case. The machete order rights this wrong, chucking out The Phantom Menace and giving you a whole new way of enjoying the Star Wars story.
Start with A New Hope, then Empire, then dust off those old prequels, stick the first one in the Blu-ray Bin and watch Episodes II and III before heading back for Jedi to wrap up this quintology in fine fashion.
When we’ve watched the new films – give us about a decade or so here – we’ll be bringing you an even better order, so stay tuned.
Check out the YouTube video ‘What if Star Wars I was good’ and develop your own theory
The video of how one fan would have done the prequels has been watched a lot of times, and the idea of re-pointing the whole thing around Obi Wan makes a lot of sense. But if you were reimagining the prequels, how would you do it?
We don’t want to influence you unduly, but it’s perfectly okay to do without a Gungan clown and to forgo any jokes about stepping in poo.